Do Real Ninjas even make lists like these?

Somehow, my bathroom door is squeaking a lot, and it reminds me of the sounds that the Dilophosaurus makes in Jurassic Park. Upsetting me. Reminded me of this here cartoon:

One of my trends today has been putting up a series of "Real Men Don't Do" lists - things that, through a popular consensus, are things that men shouldn't do. Most of these are not of my creation, but things I was recommended I should include that I also approve of. Now, for your reading pleasure, I present to you the

Real Ninjas (Ninjas, of course, being a euphemism for another, much more harrowing n-word) Don't Do List.
(For all you sensitive to the issue of political correctness, you can read the above as the 'Real Men Don't Do' List)


Real Men...

-Don't cuddle.
-Don't write books.
-Don't get carpal tunnel.
-Don't get 'migraines' or 'stress headaches'
-Don't complain
-Don't use emoticons or 'smileys'
-Don't use the heart symbol. Ever.
-Don't say OMG or anything of that ilk
-Don't show emotion.
-Don't show fear, either.
-Don't get excited. We get 'amped'
-Don't get nervous. We get 'tense'
-Don't use more than one exclamation point in a sentence.
-Don't alternate between lower-case and upper-case when typing
-Don't hold down keys to emphasize (i.e., - "good to see youuuuuuuuuu")
-Don't misspell (minority slang misspellings may be allowed)
-Don't complain
-Don't get depressed
-Don't display bitch-ass ness.
-Don't do any of the above three via the internet
-Don't get mushy over a woman (if you're single)
-Don't take facebook quizzes (boredom may be excused)
-Don't become vegans. Or vegetarians.
-Don't say 'fabulous' 'lovely' or 'splendid' when describing things.
-Don't say the word cute. (Sorry, Jonathan, but if you're reading this, never say 'the cutest thing ever' AGAIN)
-Don't say "fuck my life" or "FML" or any such thing. We make love to our lives.
-Don't play the harp. (Or the clarinet. Or the oboe. Or the flute. Or along those lines.)
-Don't follow 'Twilight'
-Don't use words such as "nibble" or "nuzzle" or "giggle"
-Don't giggle, for that matter. We chortle.
-Don't cockblock


...there are, of course, many more, and they will be added to this list afterwards. If you didn't catch yesterday's blog post, it's much more interesting than this one. Continue scrolling down to read it.