For all You Women Drivers Out There

http://www.facebook.com/NBA2K?v=app_7146470109#/video/video.php?v=90224569814&ref=nf

A cautionary video that'll have the women upset but the men dying of laughter.

Architecture - and other quick hits ( /no Chris Brown)

You know what I realized? There's nothing worse than seeing what you once coveted - but knew could never have - in someone else's hands. That happened to me today. The red Ford Flex I rented for a week back in March while my car was in the shop - that exact identical car (I could tell) - was being rented by some other lucky chap, and I saw it. It hurt - that car was almost a purchase after that week. Sigh. What? You didn't think I was talking about a woman? You did? HA! You should know me better than that! Check yourself. The last search party they sent off to find any trace of an emotion from me didn't make it through the ice and stone. In any case, let's start off with some NFL Quick Hits from Week 4!

• The Saints have to be taken seriously now. The Jets had their offense pretty much under wraps for the entire game, but the defense came up big, led by new acquisition Darren Sharper. Don't you feel as if he's been returning picks for touchdowns for decades? He's ageless. Hall-bound, like Rod Woodson. Mark Sanchez finally looked vulnerable. Maybe now the all-NY Super Bowl talk can relax - glad to see Shonn Greene finally get some carries, Thomas Jones has been ineffective all season so far.
• Ohhh, is Jim Zorn breathing a sigh of relief. If Tampa Bay had beaten him, that wouldve been two winless teams who got their first wins facing the Redskins. Jason Campbell will be seeing Aqib Talib in his nightmares tonight! But one wonders how long the Redskins can keep this up. And yes, that was a Clinton Portis AND an Antonio Bryant sighting! This was one the Bucs could've almost had.
• A friend of mine has been ranting about the Ravens defense, and how it seems to have fallen apart lately - that all the attention has been on their newfound offense. Well, now it all became obvious against the Patriots. It appears their demise has been greatly exaggerated. Or maybe this was Joe Flacco's first real test. They're still one of the best teams in the league - and the Patriots seem to have taken all that "dynasty over" talk after the Jets game to heart and have beaten up on two of last year's surprise playoff squads in a row. Randy Moss 6th all time in TDs? He's a monster. Joe Flacco needs another receiver bad.
• That Eli Manning injury didn't look too serious, right? So much for needing a primary receiver. Steve Smith looks to be the real deal. And did anyone else see that move that Hakeem Nicks put on his touchdown? I felt embarrassed. How did that KC defender feel?! This game could've gone worse for the Chiefs. Larry Johnson - well, this could be a long season for them.
• Tennessee?! Hello? Anyone home? The Titans made David Garrard and Mike Sims-Walker look like heroes. Somethings wrong with that pass defense. Is it Albert Haynesworth or Jim Schwartz they miss? 0-4 is too big of a whole, I feel. Especially winnable games against the Titans and Jaguars - Looking up at Indy at 4-0 in the division. Might not make the playoffs this year.
• Peyton is just Peyton. Seattle is by far way too injured to take on the Colts right now. Seneca Wallace is a gadget QB, and clearly not a game-winning backup. Especially without a Seahawks running game to take the pressure off him. They couldn't protect him either. Rob Mathis has 3 sacks on you? Looks like San Fran might run away with the division this year. Wait, and just who are these Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie receivers?!
• JaMarcus Russell, the reaper cometh. I think the Klobb from Goldeneye 64 has more accuracy than you do. The Texans were the defense to get you out of your funk, and alas! You can't even complete 50% of your passes. If Cash for Clunkers was still going on, the government would be giving you millions for each of those passes of yours. Meanwhile, it's good to see Steve Slaton finally get on track. Most importantly though, the HOU defense needed this game to prove to themselves that they can stop someone.
• Cincinnati CLEARLY looked past Cleveland. The overtime period took ALL 15 minutes to resolve the game. Cleveland got touchdowns too! Looks like Jerome Harrison has taken the starting job from slow Jamal Lewis. Carson Palmer again came through in the clutch, but this is a game that should never have gone to overtime. Cleveland! I can't think of anything from Cleveland outside of Drew Carey. Eric Mangini might be losing his squad.
• When I saw 21-21 on the DET/CHI game, I had hope for the Lions. Alas! It was to prove short lived. Matt Forte also found his groove, but most worrying is Matt Stafford's injury. I want to see Devin Hester and Johnny Knox have a footrace.
• That Buffalo O-line has holes big enough for buffaloes to run right through. They made the Chad Henne-led Dolphins look like contenders again. Although, I will give credit - that touchdown pass from Henne to Hartline was brilliantly thrown. It seems as though the Wildcat STILL seems to work for them, fad or not. As far as the Bills are concerned though, not all the blame can be placed on Trent Edwards' shoulders. That line resembles a set of turnstiles. Marshawn Lynch's much-ballyhooed return merited only 4 yards on the ground.
• No wonder the Rams are for sale. That was an embarrasing showing. The Niners scored on ALL facets of the game - offense, defense, and special teams. Steven Jackson's talents are wasted here - and Kyle no longer BOLLS outrageous. As if he ever did since coming out of Cal, anyway. Patrick Willis is a monster and superstar. Remember his name if you don't know it already!
• Wade Philips joins Jim Zorn on the NFC East hot seat. Are these Broncos for real? Did Brandon Marshall make a statement TD? Are the Broncos really 4-0?! Up is down! Black is white! The millennium approaches! Another powerful defensive showing by the Broncos, on the #1 running team in the league, is going to mean that pundits will now take this team seriously. Romo has an up game, then a down game - and so do the Cowboys. So much for starting strong. Josh McDaniels must've made a heck of a sacrifice to the football gods for this.
• ...I'm not even going to talk about Brett Favre.

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On some days this week, I'm going to make some of my more intensive opinions on some present-day issues known - especially the ones I feel strongest about - i.e., Architecture, Environmental Conservation, and the Economy...and Space Ghost. I feel that, given some recent thoughts I've had, I felt I should start out with my major. It's gonna get long (which is what she wanted anyway...ba-zing), so get a drink. Or just close the page, this is probably more for architects.

“Any hack can build a dumb box.” Peter Eisenman provided me with this quote – which questions from the outset what qualifies as architecture versus what qualifies as Architecture – with a capital A. In a world where the majority of the populace is subjected to buildings throughout their entire day, one often forgets the fact that only 20% of all built structures were under the direction and criticism of architects – the rest are merely the products of builders and developers (who architects really don't like!). What these latter two build, however, is not considered architecture by the profession – since for the most part there is also a resounding belief that architecture is an art, ‘with high moral purpose in the formation and transmission of culture.’ Architecture isn’t just a way to convey contemporary culture – some architects view it is the way to convey contemporary culture. Thus, a few architects believe that they can effectively deal with present day socio-economical issues through their mastery of ‘formal manipulation’ – and I also believe that architects also possess the mindset that their own design is far more important than the social issues that surround them.


Despite the socioeconomic issues in our society - that are applicable in ANY project, what happens is that some architects seem to concern themselves moreso with the aesthetics of their designs – with what I call a binocular view of their project. As in, here is your site, put a building on it (what a friend of mine calls blob architecture) – the circumstances around the site are meaningless, often ending up ignored. I recently read about a good example – the renovation of Rome’s Olympic Stadium to house the 1990 World Cup. Debates in the late 1980s were raised over the expansion designs – which was necessary due to accommodate the expected larger crowds and increased circulation. Most of the criticism, however, was aimed primarily at the appearance of such an expansion – directed at how it would change the appearance of the sixty-year old stadium that had become a landmark. Only a single architect, Franco Purini, mentioned something different - that such a renovation and expansion would completely wreck the already congested urban fabric of Rome. How would it deal with traffic? Noise and air pollution? The construction process? It was mentioned that Rome; the so-called ‘Capital of architecture,’ had become solely important as a matter of looks – never mind the overcrowded conditions that Rome was facing in the modern-era. Architects are increasingly disregarding the context of their building – not taking into account their site’s surroundings, or even the people meant to inhabit them. These architects are seemingly content with form and beauty – believing that only they are blessed with some type of ‘special contact’ with ‘transcendental essence’ (I'm quoting the books I read later) – and considering that the public also holds on to this belief, that only architects have this ‘power.’ Yet I have never heard of ‘transcendental essence’ resolving, say, availability of affordable housing. It sure as hell hasn't resolved my inability to find someone who can beat me in Goldeneye or Mario Kart. Another example that was recently brought to my attention in class was Giuseppe Terragni's design for the Palazzo Littorio in Rome during the Mussolini era - that in the plans for the design, ruins from Ancient Rome are also shown - all historical buildings existent or not were shown. What they did, however, was take a ruin that was elsewhere in Rome, slap it near their site in drawing, and have an element in their project relate to it. To a building that isn't even there. Nobody questioned it. How many of you know the figure ground of Rome by heart? I dont.

In any case, each architect has their own ideas, I believe – a few share some basic opinions, yet they will all have their own individual twist and personal preference - I know I do. My personal interest in architecture has always dealt with social housing and urban development (and by always I mean in the past two years or so) – how the two interact in dealing with today’s socioeconomic issues. I also recently read of Ricardo Bofill, a Spanish architect who, in the 1970s and 1980s, was entrusted by the French government to develop a series of social housing projects for ‘villes nouvelles’ – new towns, as part of a continuing restructuring of the country a few decades after World War 2. Bofill had his own precocious ideals about the state of housing in America and Europe – he decried suburbia as an urban cancer that afflicted and destroyed neighborhood life. In France, he questioned why, in major cities, street views always terminated in some sort of reminder of the state. ‘As if the French state still had to reaffirm itself publicly to its citizens – as if it were unsure of itself.’ Bofill goes on to proclaim that simple residential housing was not architecture – merely man’s attempt to provide shelter. On a superfluous level, this is reiterating that most housing is, after all, not designed by architects. Yet Bofill, at this point, takes matters on a completely original (albeit controversial) tangent – he decides to place every-day, ordinary activities into his own crazy extraordinary settings. His social housing projects are on an enormous scale – palaces for 600 people instead of for an aristocrat. Multiple-story columns, grand courtyards, central monuments, vague classical detailing – all in an attempt to recall, in Bofill’s words, Versailles, or even the glory of Ancient Rome. The prospective residents of his housing projects are the impoverished lower-class – perhaps, in his view point, providing the low-income citizens with a grand structure is his own way of lifting up their morale and prospects, especially when considering that the comparable housing projects within the cities had all completely dissolved into near-slum conditions. His Abraxas complex at Marne-le-Vallee was his testament to his belief that architecture implied monumentality, that it was art intended to last 500 years – however, only 25 years after its construction, finds itself almost completely ignored by its tenants, a glorified apartment structure. Apartment buildings and grand complexes like these are not the way to resolve housing issues. How many times do I have to bring up the St. Louis Pruitt housing as an example of what NOT to do? Simply throwing in some high-density buildings in a low-class area is not going to resolve neighborhood issues. Sure, you have places to put people. But they do nothing but breed crime and isolation. Look at the projects in the Northeast.

A personal opinion is that Bofill is not alone in his desire to impart his own views on architecture and social issues upon the populace. I solemnly believe that there are designers out to make their mark in the world, make their name known and recorded in the history books – more so than to preoccupy themselves with the issues that permeate our society. Designers have steadily moved away from engagement from any social issues, even those that fall within their realm of common-sense professional competence - say, homelessness, the growing crisis in affordable and appropriate housing, the loss of environmental quality, and the challenge posed by congested urban areas. Although lately, the green movement has proliferated the design ranks and assured that sustainability remains a prime selling point; the other issues have fallen behind, lost in this desire to succeed. Besides - one thing that recently has started to drive me crazy is when architects brag about sustainability. As in, "Yes, my design features several sustainable aspects, that is why it is great." Bitch, get the hell out of here! At this point in time, EVERYTHING that is designed should be sustainable! You know what, out of spite, my next design is having a coal-burning room - and a chloroflourocarbon emitter in another. Maybe a baby-seal punting closet down the hall. For the record, I don't mean that you should be spending thousands of $ in new technology for sustainability, though. There are so many affordable steps you can take that don't break the bank. Get it together.

Now here's a person I feel strongly about. Frank Gehry’s designs are of the utmost beauty in form - I will say that - and his mind can clearly come up with some of the most revolutionary concepts in form – but sometimes he does forget about the effects of his buildings on his users. The Disney Concert Hall, for example, had some of its exterior surfaces of polished steel that not only reflected the sun, but also acted as a magnifying glass for it, causing incredible glare on some surrounding apartment complexes; and boosting up temperatures to the unbearable triple-digit range. While they were resolved eventually, again, issues propped up in his Stata Center for MIT – a wide array of structural concerns and maintenance problems that resulted in a lawsuit. Yet the media CONSTANTLY hypes up every design of his as if it were the most revolutionary thing since Blu-ray. Wait, no, since sliced bread. The Stata center was dubbed some of the hottest campus architecture in the country. Yes, and the Yugo was an affordable car for every American. Yet I don't think it's a present day phenomenon. I remember reading that architects, wanting to distance themselves from contractors and builders during the first few decades of the 20th century, defined themselves as an ‘elite caste of builders,' and were not interested in designing for the new middle class, preferring to link their professional identity to large-scale monumental commissions requiring wealthy patrons. Hence, architecture became a luxury rather than a service - and the prestige and social standing that came from being an architect meant distancing oneself from others, further removing an architect from most new construction, and leading up to that 20% statistic I mentioned earlier. Another thing I've constantly noticed, is that architects tend to get incredibly caught up in describing their own projects in the most exalting of ways, frequently even using language that does nothing but confuse the subject at hand. This, again, is an effort to distance the architectural ‘aristocracy’ from the common person, since obviously people are not meant to understand the complex logic that goes into a design. For example, Bofill himself does a wonderful job of explaining his own design for the Belvedere St. Christophe complex: ‘The elements are geometrically assembled with a classical theatrical opulence that evokes the magical sacralization of a democratic urban space’ – the type of architectural language that, in my opinion, marks a man more interested in the impression that his structures will leave on others rather than the effects of the very people who will live in it. Look at most architect's websites or any of their self-published works. You'll find such an overabundance of designers just...waxing poetic over their constructs - every project they've EVER done has (let's take some words here) 'brilliant conceptual clarity,' 'incredibly organized aesthetic,' etc. I could describe a simple plastic chair in such a manner to make it seem like a gilded throne – but it remains a plastic chair. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion - but I also want to get it straight that I'm not attempting to bash their designs. Not at all. Merely the way they describe them - in language only a designer could understand. Even then, barely!

This type of disregard for the common person is the topic that really interests me. My entire modus operandi has always been about achieving some sort of change, or making a difference, minor as it may be. Maybe it's too idealistic. There’s no need to separate classes or problems. However unsuccessfully an attempt at changing the profession’s stance as a whole might go, it should still be attempted on the grounds that the issues of millions far supersede the whimsical ambitions of any one designer. An architect simply cannot impose his/her own concepts on a population because he/she believes they are the way to resolve an issue. Architects should not distance themselves from the issues, or believe they are above such concerns – for they have placed their profession on an incredible pedestal, and one that might be too difficult to descend.

Heck, I recently found myself struggling to find my identity as an architect. I feel as if I might end up a builder instead of an architect. It's my long-standing fight against 'cutesy' architecture - design done for the sake of design - just to prove a point and say, "Look what I can do!" like the character from MadTV. Not as if I'm strictly function over form, I don't want to get too carried away and be labeled a minimalist. Resolve the issues at hand, and then focus on aesthetics. I bet you didn't know I was such a theorist.

In any case, I've blabbed for way too long on this. Good thing I have no homework - shoot, I should end on some sort of lighter note, since this probably has you all saying, "...Why...so...serious?"

(felt this was appropriate, since every accident I see in Miami during a rainy day seems to be a woman's fault...)

...Ehhh, blasted whippersnappers

So I was in the midst of my TAing today when the professor is giving a lecture about isometric, axonometric, and oblique projection drawings, when she posed the question as to why the angles mainly used in such drawings were 30, 45, and 60. The adjunct professor there said it was an obvious answer - one student replied, "...Because that's how our triangles are like?" The adjunct prof replied, "Yes, but there are adjustable triangles..." To which this one student in front of me replied, "Man, I can't afford those, I'm from Hialeah."

Pause.

Word? So not only did we just put down an entire city and culture, but we damn near opened our mouth to say a smart remark. There was some scattered laughter to his remark from his group. Then I was about to say something when I realized - "OH SHI-" I would've said something very similar back in my freshman year. Back as a freshie I was a loudmouth, I ALWAYS had something to say to my Professor. Those in my studio will know this. I could never just accept what they had to say, I always had to have a retort, glib remark, or witty comeback. So how could I possibly call this one kid out for acting exactly how I would've back in the day? I mean, he'll learn his lesson eventually - that he should keep his trap shut - I mean, it took me a while, and even then, depending on who the Professor is, I'd still be able to get a word in edgewise - but there's a time and place for everything, I came to realize. I felt like TJ in that one episode of Recess where he was principal for a day - saw himself in someone else for a moment and realized how times had changed. I realized that five years had gone by. Everyone came out different from college as to how they started. So I decided against telling him to keep his trap shut. Let him have his fun for now - eventually, he'll mature like all of us did in our 'higher education' - and change by himself. We're only young and upstart once.

...although, if he tries to have some witty remark on me, he'll get his comeuppance. I'm not even joking. I'll style on him in front of his peers. He might have to call the:

But in any case - one last note. There's one phenomenon that never ceases to amaze me - but I've heard it a few times in the past few months (albeit, not directed at me, of course) - and it's women who love to say that, "Guys ain't shit" or "There's no good men left out there." Often it is because for some reason or another (not removing the blame from the male side though, if it truly was our fault) - we did some shit to you that you didn't like, so on and so forth, and now she's out tellin her girls or anyone who will listen that, well, 'guys ain't shit.' Her theorem is that, due to the unscrupulous behavior of one dude, that the entire contingent of men on this Earth must therefore also be the same. Of course, though, maybe it wasn't just one guy in her particular case, but maybe two, three, four, et cetera; that have done her wrong. So automatically, once she has enough, it's the whole 'no good men left' rant. Pause for a second though, woman. Did you ever think that maybe...it's you? Like what is it about you...that maybe attracts men who ain't shit? Or maybe you're just attracted to questionable characters? I mean, I'm not going to be hypocritical - I myself have done some messed up shit in my lifetime. I have been called all sorts of 'adjectives,' 'expletives,' and 'nouns.' I have caused a few of the opposite sex to say what I'm now trying to discourage women from saying. So I'm not trying to say that occasionally (def not all the time - sometimes the female acts up) we men aren't to blame for our antics. But chill. So you just got styled on - move on. And if it keeps happening to you - if you fall into that same situation over and over again - there comes a certain point where you have to realize that it is indeed something about you. When you fry something and you burn it - it doesn't take 10 burned meal attempts for you to keep blaming the stove - "Oh the stove gets too hot, to hell with cooking, I'm getting chinese." Noooo. You just can't cook.

...On the flip side, have you ever heard any self-respecting (emphasis on that last word - there's a lot of male bitch-azz-ery nowadays) guy state, "Oh that bish styled on me, so I'm giving up on women." Maaaaaaan, if I ran into a male like that, that's two quick fisticuffs to the left and right face to knock some sense into him. Gotta be kidding me.

(I'm going to end on the note that I have done the above. I just wanted the chair. She misread me all on her own.)

This needs to be said.

So before I get into the main point of my writing tonight, I wanted to share a story I read today that left me impressed with the moral caliber of these kids and coaches: Rivals Allow Touchdown to... Quite an interesting tidbit around all the rampant running-up-the-score and lack of sportsmanship that happens these days. In any case...on to business.

With the help of my good friend Velociholmes,

I've been able to perform an investigation into a much unappreciated facet of women in today's world. I remember that I used (well, still do) to say that the woman I'm going to marry is going to tell me exactly why curves on highways are sloped - and I don't just want her to say "because cars will fly off otherwise" - I want the full explanation. But now I'm ready to add another pre-requisite (apart from being able to cook - ::shrug:: It's the truth) - she must love sports. But then again, let me narrow it down to either football, soccer, basketball, or baseball. If she's into pro-league badminton, then no. That doesn't count in my book. And you care about  my book - well, sort of - or else you wouldn't be reading this. This recently came to mind having met a few women who were particularly into their teams (you know who you are) - and I began thinking about all the ones I knew, and I realized - it's a rare trait. Now, of course, there are varying degrees of passion for the game, which I will enumerate in some detail.

1. The Indifferent Broad

Ah, of course. We've all met one or two at a point in our lives. The one who really, for all practical purposes, could care less about anything having to do with a sport - or getting dirty - or anything like that. The one who, not even to make her man happy, will even sit and watch a game with him, but will be off doing some complaining, shopping, sewing, or whatever women do in their spare time. This one must truly have some exquisitely redeeming quality to merit a long-term commitment, and I will boldly say that however awesome the sex may or may not be, it would never make up for a woman who would walk into the room, see you watching Sunday football or weekday night baseball, make a pissy face and a groan, and remind you that the kitchen cabinet needs to be fixed. She'll say she doesn't need to know sports. I'll say she better know how to make a mean filet mignon. And even then, she's on probation already.

2. The Bless-her-she's-Trying Girl

Yes, she's cute. Intelligent. Wants to make you happy, and will sit down with you whenever you are watching sports and try to enjoy the game along with you, despite having a very basic knowledge of the workings of the game you are watching. She'll ask plenty of questions, which one should have no problem in answering. After all, she can be taught. But she'll confuse a sport or two every now and then - "Did Joe Montana win the Golden Gloves? When did the Knicks win the Stanley Cup? Wait, this isn't Pokemon?" These can easily move up the ladder within a few months to a year, because she is making the effort to make you happy. A definite prospect - a project, so to say. A slight variant of this type is the one who only enjoys sports for you, or to try to impress you; but doesn't really make the effort to advance her knowledge. She's a reluctant one - who will try to get on your nerves when your team does poorly and support you when your team does well.

3. The Sports Fan only for the sake of being a Sports Fan Female

This is one of the more widespread subspecies (yes, I used the word subspecies - big whoop, wanna fightaboutit?) available currently on the market. She has a basic knowledge of the game, and also has a team or two that she represents - whether because she grew up in that city, attended that particular school, or had friends/parents who steered her in that direction. She's fiercely vocal about her teams, downright belligerent when it comes to having a conversation about these (most oftenly found from Boston or New York - go figure) - and also a relentless blabbermouth during games, opening her mouth (giggidy) even though she might be clearly wrong. "OH THAT WAS NOT PASS INTERFERENCE!" "FOUL?! THAT WASNT A FOUL?" - and then of course, who always talks about her team whenever she can despite not being able to recite an ounce of history about it. This is very prevalent for collegiate fans. But her lack knowledge of the game means she really can't be taken seriously. Anyone can don a jersey, name some superstars, and get excited when there's a long touchdown or a Grand Slam. I'm not impressed. This type is also hard to revert to another type.

4. The Perfect Wife/Girlfriend

These are keepers. These have an expanded knowledge of the game and of the history of it - whether solely of their team or of the entire sport in itself. While not fully fluent in the rules and regulations or all the players and teams, she is very passionate and well-versed - who will bring up debates and discussions with excellent points, and not simply loud hyperbole. She knows her rivalries, and can even give a basic analysis of what's going on, i.e., "the offensive line isn't giving the quarterback enough time" or "that was a sweet pick on that drive to the basket" or even "I prefer the 3-4-3 over the 2-4-4 formation." These are also seemingly blessed with the ability to do every thing that makes you realize, "Damn, I better hold on to her - she'll bring me a sandwich AND comment on the defensive fronts the [Colts] are running?" Of course in return, you do treat her right. They're firey when need to be, accept defeat well, know when to brag and when not to brag.

5. The Dream Woman

I say this because, for my part, I've realized that they seem to inevitably come with some sort of undeniable flaw that prevents them from being ideal companions. Too messy. Questionable reputation. Completely unknowledgeable in the kitchen. Turrrrible in the sack. No intelligence or common sense. So they continue to be only available in dreams. But in any case, they have a thoroughly detailed understanding of the traditions of the sport and are well-versed in tactics - questioning why the Eagles are lined up in the nickel formation, Cover 1 with a rookie safety against the Saints five-wide shotgun spread and their star QB, Drew Brees, who was only 16 yards shy last year of breaking Dan Marino's 1984 record for passing yards. These can watch a game with unbridled intensity and a deep understanding and ability to analyze. Watching a game of any sport with one of these is a real treat, adding to the experience. An incredibly rare find, but one that, again, will usually have some sort of catch that will make her remain a friend.

...there are some slight variations, though. Again, I want to sum it up by saying that a woman who loves sports is an incredible catch (as long as Darrelle Revis isn't involved - see? One of you might just get that) as a friend, acquaintance, or maybe even something more. Bless you females out there with this skill. You're unappreciated.

...and as for you who don't care much for any sport, maaaaan, I hope you are either a genius with a deep mind and ambition, a professional chef, or something like that. Might end up lonely with 40 cats (all asking for cheezburgers) in your old age! And so I leave you once again, but this time with the deep thoughts of Velociholmes distant relative, the Philosoraptor.

So I just flew in from New York, and boy are my arms tired!

...So I return from my two week-long leave of absence (caught up with coursework and all that) to return in a blaze of glory! No? A flame of mediocrity? A wisp of defeat? Something like that. In any case, I'm not here to talk about Joe Wilson, Kanye West, Lil Mama, or anything else along those lines that's happened pop culturally - I've assumed y'all have had enough of that. Today's topics cover the gamut from movies, some social issues, the NFL, and a little more on that new TA adventure.

Up first, though, is my quick take of the NFL's Week 2 action, in my new segment - and get ready for this - Herc's 12 Labors. Cover a few of the week's games with a few of my observations from the games I watched and highlights I viewed. Those of you less inclined to enjoy football (I can't imagine why) - can proceed to the next segment.

The Nemean Lion - of Detroit? DET vs. MIN

No. I will not give any attention to Brett Favre. Hand it to AD and Chester Taylor. I don't care if you successfully went 23 of 27 with 2 TDs. You were averaging around 5-6yds an attempt. Although I will note that the Lions seemed to have good control of Adrian Peterson until he ran for that 27-yard touchdown that broke the tie. Matt Stafford. Don't you Lions remember Joey Harrington? I would never have started the kid. Joe Flacco had help, so did Matt Ryan last year. Mark Sanchez this year has help too. What does Matt Stafford have this year? If I were him, I'd lob it to Calvin Johnson every time and hope for the best. I do think Jim Schwartz might be able to turn this around, but not this year. They were close to the Saints last week, and close to Minnesota this week. But then things spiral out of control. They might be able to beat Washington in a low-scoring game.

The Lernaean Hydra - The 11-Headed Monster of the Ravens Defense. BAL vs. SD

Ray Lewis. God's linebacker still 'has' it. When the game was on the line, he shot right through the gap between the center and guard to drop the diminutive Darren Sproles for a loss on fourth down to clinch the game. Despite this amazing play though, one must still wonder about the state of the Ravens, who seem to suddenly own an explosive offense and a vulnerable defense. The Chiefs' Brodie Croyle styled and almost won the game last week on them, and Philip Rivers dropped 436 yards passing on their defense - the secondary had no answer for Vincent Jackson, who had 3 defenders almost draped over him on his 38 yard touchdown grab. Sproles was deadly as a passcatcher with over 100 as well, but it was almost assumed that he would be ineffective as a runner. Joe Flacco continues to run this offense effectively - while Ray Rice and Willis McGahee (of videoclip fame...::cringe::) provide an effective running game. And where exactly is Shawne Merriman? Have you heard from him, have you seen him?

The Golden Hind - ...Legs of Frank Gore. SF vs. SEA

Just when you thought Adrian Peterson and Chris Johnson highlights weren't enough, out bursts Frank Gore with a 207 yard rushing game - with 80 and 79 yard rushing TDs right through a porous Seattle defense that was missing Lofa Tatupu, who suffered an injury in the game. The biggest Seattle concern, however, has to be Matt Hasselbeck, who as they learned last year, is the only way they advance in the league. Even when he was in, he was proving ineffective against a suddenly tough San Francisco defense - which also stopped the Seahawks' ground game, holding it to 66 yards and only 11 for starter Julius Jones. Without their respective leaders on the field, Hasselbeck and Tatupu, any hope of reclaiming the division title from Arizona falls away. San Francisco, meanwhile, seems set to win defensive games through the Mike Singletary method. Stifle the opponent's offense, run Frank Gore, and have Shaun Hill manage the game. This is the 2000 Ravens method. Shaun Hill does remind me of Trent Dilfer...(sidebar, who rememberes Elvis Grbac?) Patrick Willis will be a superstar for years to come.

Erymanthian Boar - Distantly related to the St Louis Ram. WAS vs. STL

I pity the people who had only this game to watch on their local networks, a snoozer of a 9-7 game which wasn't so much about defensive prowess but about offensive ineptitude. Jim Zorn and Jason Campbell's time are running out in Washington - and despite having around 350 yards on offense, were only able to muster a trifecta of Suisham field goals. The Rams just seem completely ineffective on all fronts, the only highlights coming on a Laurent Robinson (who?) touchdown from a 50% completion rate Marc Bulger, and a 58 yard Steven Jackson rush. Jim Zorn was supposed to be an offensive mastermind - but he does his best Dick Jauron impressions on the sideline during games. He hasn't too long. I've never seen a victory for a team feel more like a loss.

Cleaning the Augean Stables - Is this what Josh McDaniels did? DEN vs. CLE

Coming this Summer - the new romantic comedy - "Forgetting Brandon Marshall." When your star receiver comments in the offseason that he has barely read the playbook, you have a problem. What do you say to him on the field? "Look here, 15. Run that a-way. Come back if you see Grizzly Orton in trouble." Well, despite all the turmoil taking place in the Mile High city this offseason, Murphy's Law decided to kick in and give the Broncos a miracle in the form of that 87-yard tipped catch TD by the fastest white man on the planet, Brandon Stokley, last week, and now, a win against the hapless Cleveland Browns. To think Josh McDaniels was maligned so much and now has the Broncos atop the AFC West. But the defense is looking impressive! The Bengals, who put up 31 on a respectable Packer defense were only able to muster 7 points against the Broncos last week, and the Browns, ever so inept offensively, only put up a pair of field goals (should be noted that the Browns have 1 - yes, 1 - offensive TD in the past 8 games). The Broncos ran for more than 180 yards to the Browns' 50, and if Brady Quinn continues to be like Brady, Greg; Eric Mangini is sure to be in disgust for a few more months. Especially when he sees the fun and games the Jets are in on, a polar difference in coaching philosophy to Rex Ryan. Joe Thomas, the Pro Bowl tackle for Cleveland, got flat out styled on by situational rusher Elvis Dumervil, he of the Louisville pedigree and 5'11, 248 pound frame to the tune of four sacks. Cleveland looks like an abyss for playmakers and players - somethings going to have to be done in the offseason to entice free agents. The fans remain loyal enough, but for how long?

The Stymphalian Birds - I see other angry birds in Philly. PHI vs. NO

The Saints offense continues to work easy Brees-y - and that long forgotten 2nd round pick the Chargers received from the Falcons as part of the Michael Vick/LaDainian Tomlinson trade shows no sign of stopping his offensive prowess, doing so without any name brand receivers (Marques Colston is getting there) or top tier running backs - heck, Jeremy Shockey has to earn his prestige again. The offense clearly speaks for itself, and if it is one matchup I look forward to is the Week 4 battle between the Saints offense and the Jets defense. The Saints D, on the other hand, is still just enough to hold on when the shootouts get started. But never should you have allowed Kevin Kolb (yes, THAT Kevin Kolb) to murk your secondary for almost 400 yards. They only scored 22 (Didn't the lions drop 27 on them?) - and one image I can't get out of my head is the venerable Darren Sharper chasing after the young kid DeSean Jackson. He's not bringing him down. The Saints rushing attack also leaves a lot to be desired - but the former Bronco Mike Bell is showing signs he could take over the role that Pierre Thomas' injury left behind. Did Reggie Bush score a touchdown? Incredible! The last hole he hit successfully belonged to Kim Kardashian. But the Eagles are clearly not a shootout team (although coach Andy Reid is clearly a takeout person) - and Kevin Kolb, Michael Vick, Donovan McNabb or even having Ron Jaworski play QB wasn't going to help them win this game. The defense just wasn't ready for the aerial onslaught. One wonders if even Jim Johnson (may he RIP) could've devised a game plan to stop Drew Brees. Who, I believe, now is among the top 3 QBs in the league.

Capturing the Cretan Bull - Easier than tackling Chris Johnson TEN vs. HOU

Did the Texans get angry, or did they get angry? A week after suffering an offensive goose egg against the Jets, they explode all over the Titans with a passing attack that looked Saints-ish. Andre Johnson, the unassuming superstar, without Darrelle Revis draped over him like a Snuggie, was able to 10 balls for 149 yards and a pair of scores, including a highlight reel one-handed grab on the right side of the end zone. When the TEN defense continued to stifle speedy back Steve Slaton, Schaub continued to methodically dissect the Titans secondary, with completions of 72, 44, 33, 29, and 21 yards. The defense again seemed to have no answers - Dunta if you want to be paid, tackle somebody! And even the much ballyhoo'd DeMeco Ryans and Mario Williams were able to prevent this game from becoming a shootout. For the Titans, they have some serious defensive issues to look into. Chris Johnson kept them in the game with electric move after electric move - a 57 yard run, a 91 yard run, a 69 yard catch, and a Thunderbolt; finishing with 25 touches for 284 yards and three scores. One would think that, plus a relatively effective performance from Kerry Collins would be enough to seal the win. Although it should be noted that they did have 3 minutes to tie or win the game, Collins did fumble the ball which Houston recovered to seal it. Houston's toughness was questioned following the Jets manhandling - has it been answered? Perhaps not yet, but they eked out a win when they needed it most - and the 0-2 Titans will face New York next week looking for their first W.

Steal Diomedes' Mares - and Tom Brady's timing. NYJ vs. NE

Who are these Jets, and what have they done with the Jets teams of the past few years? Everyone is currently talking about the 'swagger' (damn, I hate that word so much) that the University of Miami team seems to have recovered this young season, but the Jets, led by their enigmatic head coach Rex Ryan, seem to have an abundance of this bravado as well! Kerry Rhodes talked the talk and the rest of his team backed him up. What a complete change in philosophy from the rigid ways of Eric Mangini. What I found most interesting about this game is that, for the most part, the big blitz is an invitation for the offense to go deep and complete long balls and touchdowns. Yet in this game, the Jets consistenly sent 5, 6, even 7 defenders at Saint Brady, who looked visibly flustered at the rush and was unable to complete any deep balls. The one he did attempt, in the face of blitzing safety and former Raven Jim Leonhard, was instead picked off by Darrelle Revis, who is cementing his position amongst the top corners in the NFL, maybe even 2nd after Nnamdi Asomugha. Randy seemed to slow down a bit on the play, but at least he was able to bring down Revis. The fans were clamoring for Mark Sanchez in the second half following a first half performance of 3 of 5 for 15, and he answered with a quick TD drive to open the half. The kid looked poised, able to handle the big stage of New York, and the new Jets defense seems like the real deal. They have to watch out for a letdown game against the winless Titans, but I think Rex will keep the men in green focused for the next game. Meanwhile, the Patriots seem suddenly vulnerable following a squeaker against the Bills and this game - and what Jets fan can say they didn't expect Brady to drive down for the game-tying score with 2 minutes left? But this new defense is the embodiment of their coach, and they weren't going to back down from their old foes.

Getting the Amazon Girdle - ...easy, if all in your way is the Packer O-line. GB vs. CIN

After seeing the Pack's first game against the Bears and now watching highlights and reading about their second against the Bengals, a key problem for Green Bay is that offensive line, which is doing its best turnstile impression on Aaron Rodgers. When you allow Antwan Odom five sacks in one game, Aaron Rodgers clearly isn't going to have enough time to get the ball to his playmakers, and it marked the first time in Greg Jennings' young career that he was held without a catch. But under pressure all day, Rodgers barely completed over 50% of his throws, and were barely able to get Ryan Grant going before it became a passing contest. Meanwhile, Cedric Benson, he of the former-draft bust status, was able to make real cheese out of the Green Bay defense, akin to his Longhorn days, for 141 yards on 29 carries. Wasn't Dom Capers' and his new 3-4 defense the preseason joy for many sportswriters? Now it looks vulnerable. All three of the Bengal starting receivers got touchdowns, and Chad Joh...err, Ochocinco made good on his promise, leaping into 3 Bengals fans in the stands after his TD. The Packers secondary was able to hold some of its end of the bargain, with former Michigan star Charles Woodson (doesn't it seem like he's been playing forever?) picking off Carson Palmer a pair of times, including one for a touchdown, and limiting him to 185 yards throwing. But why throw when Benson is running at will? You can bet some changes will have to be made either to personnell or to protection schemes for Green Bay, because Aaron Rodgers will not be able to handle this relentless pressure for an entire season.

Obtain Geryon's Cattle - and make sure Jeff Reed stays dry. PIT vs. CHI

Talk about redeeming yourself, Jay Cutler. That four pick performance wasn't going to win too many hearts over in the Windy City. When Matt Forte was stuffed continually by the stingy Pittsburgh defense, Cutler had to take it upon himself and his young receivers to win the game, and they came through. Speedster Johnny Knox (with the most 20s gangster sounding name ever) came up big for Cutler with 6 grabs for 70 yards and a score, as did Keith Davis. The Steelers O-line continued to have some trouble protecting Ben, allowing former Gator Alex Brown (Gators, you were supposed to smash the Volts, by the way) a pair of sacks. Big Ben always comes through with the fourth quarter comebacks, but to no avail this time. What has happened to the Steeler running game? Somewhere out there, Franco Harris and Jerome Bettis are wondering what's going on. With the exception of one excellend Rashard Mendenhall run, that's two games that the Steeler look lackluster running the rock. Don't tell me they're bringing the Tommy Gun offense back! Big Ben is better than Tommy Maddox, of course - and it'll be an interesting change for coach Tomlin if he continues to see the struggles of the ground game. However, Jeff Reed had a pair of chances to win the game, or even ensure it remained a tie, but as we all know, he gets cranky when he's wet (Read this story)!

Steal Hesperides' Apples - ...just leave Jerry Jones' videoboard alone! NYG vs. DAL

Easy with the celebrations, Cowboys fans. So it seemed that Romo was just fine without Terrell Owens against the Bucs. Uh oh. Now what happened? A terribly uneven performance from him, completing under 50% of his passes and throwing three interceptions, albeit some that weren't completely his fault. However, with the game on the line, heck, with the grand opening of Jerry's World on the line, he couldn't come through in the clutch, and now the questions and doubts will rise again. It was a waste of a beautiful game by the 'Boys back duo of Felix Jones and Marion Barber, who were running in and through the Giants defense all night. But with the game on the line, it comes to the quarterback to win it. Romo did not. Meanwhile, does it seem like the Giants finally found some receivers? Mario Manningham and Steve Smith had ten catches and a score each, and Eli Manning was seemingly able to find somebody open every time. Wasn't Terrence Newman supposed to be one of the top corners in football? What happened? The stadium, however, is the pinnacle of technology and every bit as gorgeous as one can imagine - it must truly be an experience to watch a game there. I also loved how the camera followed the ball on punts to see if they would hit the video board - never seen that done in a game! Jerry Jones didn't look too pleased during the latter part of the game. Wade Phillips' job is on the line this year too. If you can't beat the Giants in your own stadium, how will you EVER beat them in New Jersey?

Capture Cerberus - The Guardian of the Offensive Underworld OAK vs. KC

JaMarcus Russell, what ARE you doing out there? Only 7 of 24 passes hit their mark, and the Raiders win despite mustering under 200 yards of offense and letting the Chiefs style on them for 400 yards combined! What's going on here? And wait, did you know the Raiders were almost 2-0? I still don't believe in Al Davis' style of managing a team (No, that's not Fred Biletnikoff or Ken Stabler out there, Emperor Palp...err, Davis) - but something is going right here for them. And I honestly have no idea what it is. They've been down the tubes since their destruction at the hands of the Bucs back in the SB of 2002. One of the sole good things I can see for the Raiders in this game was forgotten and benched safety Michael Huff's two picks of Matt Cassel - still need to do more to earn that 1st round pick, Mike. As for the Chiefs, I can think of nothing to say. How you let the Oakland boys beat you despite losing in nearly every statistical category - and being at home - is beyond me. As well as the countless mental mistakes and penalties.

...and as for tonight's game, I fully expect the Colts to handle the Dolphins, winning by anywhere from 3-10 points. And that's not a bias at all! I swear!

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Also wanted to leave some love for a pair of movies that I consider the sleeper hits of 2008, which just became available on Blu-ray (or DVD, if you still suffer through that) in the summer of 2009. I first Netflix'd both of them to get a handle on the technical aspects, i.e., the quality of the video transfer and the audio transfer with my reference grade equipment (if you didn't know about it, now you do - check the webpage of the theater @ http://www.blu-ray.com/community/gallery.php?member=JJxiv1215) - and of course, to be immersed in the story. These two movies are Defiance, starring Daniel Craig; and Knowing, with Nicolas Cage.

In Defiance, Daniel Craig (he of 007 fame), Liev Schriber (X-Men Origins' Sabertooth), along with Jamie Bell and George MacKay play the four Jewish Bielski brothers, survivors of a Nazi German eradication of their village, who take it upon themselves to provide shelter, food, and all other basic necessities to a large band of Jewish survivors in the Polish forest. The more militant Zus (Schrieber) wants to commandeer weapons and take the battle to the German garrisons nearby, even ally with Russian troops in the area to push the Germans out. Tuvia (Craig), is more diplomatic, who believes that his primary concern is the welfare of the dozens of people who rely on him for leadership and survival. The conflicts between the family members, unruly survivors, the Russian paramilitary forces, and the German Army itself make it an emotional experience worth watching. Although a few of the battle scenes have been Hollywood-ized (let me not get into it) - and there were a few moments of historical and technical inaccuracy (so what else is new?) - the movie in itself plays out to show the plight of this small group of survivors - which is actually based on the real-life story of the Bielski brothers (the survivors who would run a truck shop in NY following the war). The video presentation is in itself, gorgeous - a beautiful transfer that truly showcases the best detail that Blu-ray is capable of (images courtest of blu-ray.com). The audio is also top-notch, capturing the forest ambience and distint background noises well - but being able to successfully showcase the rumblings of a Panzer, and the distinct chatter of a Machinenpistole 40.

Second on my sleeper list is Knowing, a suspense/action thriller that asks the question - what would you do if you knew the end of the world was coming? A movie I rented solely on recommendation, since I had barely even heard of it, it captivated me from start to finish - brimming with some of the finest audio I have experienced. Nicolas Cage is his usual droll self, but the best acting here comes from Rose Byrne (Sunshine, Troy, 28 Weeks Later) and their respective children. A basic summary is that, a time capsule written by an elementary school 50 years ago is unearthed in the present - this capsule containing drawings of what children thought the future would be. Amongst all these drawings, however, is a sheet containing a series of numbers over and over again, a sheet received by Cage's son in the movie. Cage interprets the meanings, and sets about to try and stop them. But it poses questions from the fields of astrology and theology - and has a breathtaking climax. Give it a rent, or simply ask me when I'm free to pass by and see it. It'll be worth your while.

...and of course, upcoming this Friday is the film Pandorum, starring Dennis Quaid (Day After Tomorrow), and Ben Foster (3:10 to Yuma, X-Men III). At first glance, it seems to be a mix of two of my favorite horror films, The Descent and Event Horizon - with the plot consisting of a pair of astronauts who find themselves awakening aboard a deserted space vessel, believing they are the only ones still alive. They encounter remaining crewmembers when exploring the ship, and something else...

...well, I can't say anything else because that's all I can gather from the previews. It could either be seriously cheesy and a waste of $10, or one of my new favorites. Who knows. Maybe I might wait to rent it.

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On the TA front, I had to grade my first drawings - a series of sketches of fruits/vegetables where the students first drew the whole object, then progressively zoomed in to show more detail in 4 sets. They had to employ shade/shadow, drawing technique, tonal quality, and aptitude in rendering - and for the most part, despite being first years, they all performed admirably! Most of them were Bs and upwards, with a few scattered B- and a pair of Cs for some students who seemed like they put forth a lackluster effort. Some of the students you could tell had clear drawing experience beforehand, but even those who didn't stepped their game up, including some of the ones I was in charge of. Was proud. But the slackers, time to give em a smack to the head to make them get on everyone else's LVL. I'ma demand sammiches from the slacker female students to even consider raising them up half a letter grade. But again, what most impresses me is the tenacity of those with no previous drawing experience. I'm going to stick gold stars on their shoulders and make them walk around with them on. There was a history joke hidden in there. Up next is drawing complex cube objects - in plan, section, and axonometric. Those are some of my fortes, so I look forward to helping them out Thursday. Except for that one kid who was a Dolphins fan. Make that half the class. Let them eat cake. That's the thing! At UM, everyone was from up North and either a Giants, Patriots, or Jets fan. Here, everybody is a Dolphins fan. Looking forward to the Jets/Dolphins game in 3 weeks. And oh shi-, Monday Night Football is starting. If I'm gonna shi- talk tomorrow, I need to see the Fins get styled on by the Colts - because clearly, the Dolphins are due for a letdown season...

NFL Insights - Part I

With 4 days left to the regular season (HALLELUJAH!), I'm going to tackle two divisions a day (starting tomorrow) with some introspective thoughts that hopefully few other sports fans have delved into - regular random topics will be in there every now and then, but ladies be warned - this is about football. Feel free to return later in the week for my usual ridiculous thoughts.

NFC West (Or the NFL's Football Championship Subdivision)

• Arizona Cardinals (9-7 in 2008, my prediction - atop NFC West)
• So much for all that talk about how they were the most unworthy team to ever make the playoffs, stunning the Falcons, Panthers, and Eagles - and ever so close to taking out the Steelers in the Super Bowl. Even though teams usually struggle following the Super Bowl and many pundits have proclaimed a slump for the Cards, I don't believe so. They retain almost all their starters from last year - and a relatively solid defense that still has playmakers in Karlos Dansby, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, and Adrian Wilson (the face of the franchise, in my opinion) - but who I believe really has to step up is my former classmate Calais Campbell. He has the tools, but needs to start showing them on the field. A sackless rookie season might be fine as a backup, but now as a starter, he needs to provide adequate run support as a 3-4 end and still be able to attack the pocket to free Clark Haggans and Bert Berry. Offensively, I still believe they're set. As long as Kurt Warner stays healthy, there should be no reason why the passing game should miss a beat - the Fitz, Boldin, the excellent slot receiver Steve Breaston, and Early Doucet should still be productive receivers in the spread offense. Although Ken Whisenhunt would still prefer to be be balanced - hence the drafting of Beanie Wells, I believe the team should be kept a primarily passing team, using Beanie and Tim Hightower later in the game to wear down a defense and speed the clock up - which they couldn't do with last year. Dance with what brung you, is my belief. Although, however, now nobody will be surprised by the Cardinals - but their divisional opponents are the AFC South and the NFC North, not to mention playing the 49ers and Rams four times. Whether they make another playoff push is debatable, but I feel they should be able to keep their division title.
• Player to Watch: Calais Campbell
• Team MVP: Kurt Warner
• Player I miss the most: Mad flashback, but anybody remember David Boston? I miss him. The '00-'01 David Boston in this offense would be ridiculous.
• Player on the decline: Matt Leinart - will he ever get a chance with the ageless Warner?

• San Francisco 49ers (7-9 in 2008, my prediction: 2nd in NFC West, miss playoffs)
• Perhaps one of the biggest storylines out of the Yay Area this offseason was the whole Michael Crabtree fiasco. Drafted 10th, but wants to be paid like a 6th, since he believes he's better than Darrius Heyward-Bey, picked up by Al 'Palpatine' Davis' Raiders. Let him sit, I say. A rookie who thinks he's above the NFL's system is clearly an incorrigible persona, and I'm sure the Niners remember all too well the T.O. troubles of a few years back. Mike Singletary was a tough, hard-nosed linebacker, and he's a no nonsense coach (outside of the pants incident - yeesh) - and he'll draw as much as he can from his squad this year. I'm thinking along the lines of .500 - simply because of the QB situation. Alex Smith was a fiasco - he probably has one more year to try to seem like a #1 pick - and as for Shaun Hill, whom I believe in as a Trent Dilfer-type manager and not a game winner - well, who does he have to throw to? The venerable Isaac Bruce? Josh Morgan and Jason Hill? Who? They drafted Crabtree in an effort to step up the passing game (kind of how Vernon Davis was supposed to be Alex Smith's safety blanket) - and one isn't around and the other, I hope, has finally matured. When you have Frank Gore (and I should mention I've been thoroughly impressed by the preseason antics of Glen Coffee) - you need only a little from your passing attack. I believe in Shaun Hill. Vernon, step it up. As for the defense, the overpaid Justin Smith has made nary a difference so far. The stars are Patrick Willis and Manny Lawson, sideline to sideline linebackers who have kept this defense competitive (ranked 13th last year). They are the cogs to the entire unit - and a no-name secondary headed by the also overpaid Nate Clements (I've seen him get burned and outplayed WAY too oftenly to justify his contract) and Michael Lewis might not be able to hold up to the divisions' passing attacks - at least those of 'Zona and the Seahawks. They need playmakers on offense. Doesn't it seem every year is a rebuilding year? Through the mess of Dennis Erickson, Mike Nolan - why did they fire Steve Mariucci after he made the playoffs with them in '01-'02? Mike Nolan and his nice suits couldn't save the Niners. We'll see if Mike can.
• Player to Watch: Vernon Davis. Another athletically gifted player who needs to develop the maturity and determination to succeed. The team needs him to become an Antonio Gates.
• Team MVP: Is there any doubt? Frank Gore. To put up the numbers he has with barely a passing game and a no-name line speaks to his talent.
• Player I miss the most: Jeff Garcia. It seems like only yesterday he was scrambling out of the pocket, throwing to the petulant T.O. and my favorite named-receivers of all time: JJ Stokes and Tai Streets. The Niners now have a backup RB named Kory Sheets. Maybe they should make a rap group.
• 
  Player on the decline: Nate Clements. Boy are those Buffalo years a distant memory. Being beaten by the 3rd string receiver on a preseason game burns. Literally. His attack and speed dropped by half. BRN! (bonus points if you get the reference)
  
• Seattle Seahawks: (4-12 in '08, my prediction of 3rd, barely sub-.500 record)
• It'll be an interesting season without the venerable Mike Holmgren and his enormous mustache on the sideline. I had grown fond of his Santa Claus looks and ability to seemingly take the Seahawks to the playoffs every year regardless. Then last year, Matt Hasselbeck suffered that back injury, the receiver-plague struck, and not even a solid defense could help the stagnant offense. But now, Matt is back, and has a solid core of pass-catchers, provided they can stay healthy. TJ 'I'm-boycotting-madden' Whosyomommeh joins up with Deion Branch and Nate Burleson to provide a triumvirate of sure-handed pass catchers (anybody remember dropsies-plagued Darrell Jackson and Koren Robinson?) and who I feel should be an important weapon in their offense this year, TE John Carlson. Their leading receiver from a year ago, he offers a big target in the middle of the field, the target Jerramy Stevens was supposed to be but never was. If the line can keep Matt and his back happy, they should be able to resume their pass-oriented attack that kept them in the playoffs for so many years. However, I'm a little more concerned about the Julius Jones/Edgerrin James running game. Discards from their previous franchises, I never saw anything out of Jones while he was a Cowboy to merit him being a #1 runner. And the Edge has lost his edge. Wasn't happy with his role in Arizona last year, but now he has been humbled and will gladly accept a similar role in Seattle, if only to try to stick it to Arizona twice a year. The defense still has weaknesses on the line and in the secondary (to bring back Ken Lucas, even - with Marcus Trufant out til Nov) - but the linebackers are an exceptionally solid group that should keep this team in games - able to stop the run, but not the pass. Aaron Curry was a splendid addition to Lofa Tatupu and Leroy Hill, but they can't cover receivers. And I'm unsure of the front seven will be able to apply any significant pressure to cover up for a lackluster secondary.
• Player to Watch: John Carlson. Expect big numbers from him. More than 60 balls.
• Team MVP: Matt Hasselbeck. The offense revolves around him. Shaun who?
• Player I Miss: Ricky Watters. Shaun's predecessor. And Chad Brown too. Wait, weren't these both retreads from other teams, too?
• Player on the Decline: Patrick Kerney. Oh wait, they released him. Julian Peterson. Oh wait, they released him. What's with all these retreads?! Walter Jones. His best years are behind him. Now he's turning into Orlando Pace, an oft-injured former superstar at LT. They got close to winning it all with him, but now his time is running out.

•  St. Louis Rams (2-14 in '08, last place finish, .250 or less)
• Does anybody miss the Greatest Show on Turf? Heck, does anybody miss Marc Bulger's heyday? Wasn't that just a few years ago? Crazy ol' Mike Martz' is long gone - and so is Scott Linehan. So is Warner. And Holt. And Bruce. And Faulk. Even Az-Zahir Hakim. And Ricky Proehl. So what's left? An oftenly injured Marc Bulger who can't stay upright due to his turnstile-like line (one can only hope Jason Smith and Alex Barron can become good bookends) - Donnie Avery, a speedster receiver - the powerful Steven Jackson, their most important weapon - and that's it. Can you name any of their receivers? I barely can. Where is the talent? Looking over their drafts, its tragic. Tye Hill, gone. Jimmy Kennedy, gone. Robert Thomas? Gone. The D-line, on paper, looks solid, with Leonard Little, Chris Long, and Adam Carriker (albeit his injury issue). But Little won't be around forever, and although Long and Carriker have shown flashes, they need to live up to their first-round billing soon. I believe they can under Spagnuolo. James Laurinaitis was an excellent draft choice, who should start at MLB for them for many years. He has the pedigree and awareness to make plays from Day 1. Will Witherspoon still has speed and a few good years left in him. In the secondary, only OJ Atogwe (who, you say?) is a proven playmaker. They will struggle with the passing attacks of the division. But this is another rebuilding year. Steven Jackson can't carry the team forever, lest he become this generations' Earl Campbell. But the talent on the o-line, receiving corps, and secondary clearly isn't there, and they need to start planning on a QB for the future. They've been getting lucky with Trent Green, then Warner, then Bulger - but soon they might need a young lad of their own. But I believe it's safe to say that those 400-500 point seasons of a few years ago are all but memories.
• Player to Watch: Chris Long. Ready for the big-time. Their defensive minded coach will bring out all his talent and skill.
• Team MVP: Is it even close? Steven Jackson. Without him, there is no offense on this team.
• Player I Miss: Aeneas Williams. The venerable CB from years past I will always remember during their playoff and SB runs of the late 90s and early 00s. And they could sure use him now!
• Player on the Decline: I would say Orlando Pace, but now he's an overpaid Bear. They have few veterans to pick from, so I'll pick Marc Bulger - who just seems so fragile on the field. Another injury this year might be the last of his career. I'll never forget the image of him getting hurt making a tackle on a corner during an interception return some years ago. And they said Chad P had no toughness.

Well, that'll about wrap it up for tonight - AFC South tomorrow. Need to resume this studio work too...and I am out of clips that feature my favorite friend Charles, so I'll part with another C&H strip, which reminds me of the ever-so-many stupid females I know with nary a brain cell:

Financial Fjords

(Disclaimer: This post has a bit of a serious side to it)

I remember back when I was at the U (that's right, it's still the U, lackadaisical performance in collegiate football nonwithstanding - sidebar though, have you SEEN this year's schedule? Looks rough.) one of the many conversational topics was student loans, finances - paying for college and whatnot. The University of Miami was by no means a cheap university - running in at a bit less than $40,000 a year. Which isn't a laughing matter, considering the USA's GDP per capita is around $46,000. What, personally, I'll never understand though, is why some students (nothing personal to the ones I know, if there are any) choose to get so deep into loan debt to afford such expensive universities. I mean, in my case, the school itself and the state paid for my entire tuition so I'm nary a cent in debt, but I came upon this article today which presented some frightening numbers:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204731804574388682129316614.html

I won't summarize it for you too much, but you should give it a read. What it boils down to is a large percentage of students are borrowing ridiculous amounts of paper to pay for school. And then at the end, after graduation and grad/law/med school, you are double if not triple-digits in debt. Which forces you to put your life on hold. It mentions one 30-year old lawyer here in South Florida who is $175,000 in debt and living paycheck to paycheck. Around 67% of students borrow, and they all end up on average about $23,000 in debt. Why would you do that to yourself? Put your life on hold after graduation, which is supposedly when life begins? Perhaps someone can shed an altering viewpoint, but why not simply stay to a good school you can afford, locally? Instead of a change in scenery that will mess up your future? Further, what I can't understand are those who take the thousands of dollars in loans, go to schools of their choice for whatever reason, and then - don't even maximize their time @ said school, treat it like a joke. Get that ish in order. But continuing, I can't imagine having to live with the overbearing presence of being so enormously in debt before you're even 25. I never once considered or even fathomed taking out a loan from that callous whore Sallie Mae. Or, why leave the state to go somewhere else (i.e., MIT) - when I realized the Atlas-like weight I'd be carrying and putting on the shoulders of my parents and myself? If UM hadn't given me all the $ it did, I would've gone to FIU without a qualm. Although by all means, if you can afford somewhere you want to go, then go for it. But one thing about me - I will NEVER - NEVER - get myself into debt over something I won't be able to afford just because I want it. Everything I own was paid off from Day 1 (car doesn't count, lol). Bottom line is: Why spend money you don't have?

I bring all this up now, of course, because the great Herc, he who has for so long been recession-proof and able to go out, spend outrageously, live vicariously (I loved it) - now finds himself, having only paid off (with parental help) a meager $4.5k in a semester's worth of grad school tuition, a wee bit on the broke side. At least there's food in the fridge and all the bills are paid. I've had to cut down on the tequila and movie-purchasing budgets! GASP! And my favorite snack, banana ice cream pops, are now @ $1.79! They've gone up 30 cents in 3 years!
But in any case, things will be back to a lighter note tomorrow, and also thrown in with my NFL notes and observations now that the season is upon us. And perhaps for the last time, I bid adieu along with Charles: